Chop Wood, Carry Water

About a month ago I made an impulsive decision due to the fact that I had consumed 1 1/2 too many glasses of wine. I decided in my emotional, slightly lonely state that I should sign up for match.com. I’ve since decided that these are the conditions that 89.9% of new member join under.

There have been several people I know recently who have had really good experiences with online dating. Not all have ended in long term relationships, but a lot of them have had fun and met some great people. I’ve been single for a year and a half. I’m not actually unhappy being single, quite the opposite in fact. I am having a lot of fun and trying to grow as an individual, but like I said… 1 1/2 too many glasses of wine and I was home alone. Eh. It happens.

Match.com (or match.wrong) has been one of the most bizarre, disheartening, confusing, and overall HILARIOUS situations I’ve ever found myself in. In sticking to my true spirit, I’m not letting it get me down. Instead, I’ve decided to learn from it (and blog about it to share the lessons).

Lesson #1) You CAN share too much about yourself.

I’ll never forget the time about a year ago a half ago when I was unemployed and frantically searching for work. I felt like I was over qualified for every job I was applying for yet I still wasn’t getting any interviews. I asked my dad to look over my resume, knowing that his years of doing hiring for the State of Idaho would put him in the perfect position to offer me honest, productive feedback. I’ll never forget the look on his face when he finished reading it, looked up at me with an expression of pity, humor, and a smidgen of disbelief and stated “Meg…they think you’re going to sue them”. Meaning, that while I thought it was instrumental to my employment that I share my experience working for the BSU Women’s Center, the Idaho Women’s Network, volunteering for Planned Parenthood, organizing for the feminist group on campus, working to defeat the anti-gay marriage amendment, and directing the Vagina Monologues, apparently it’s not the type of information you share upfront while seeking employment! I now know that this is also true for dating. While I didn’t share all of that information, I did lead with some pretty passionate banter about social justice and human rights. Yep. On match.com. As one brave guy pointed out “I was scared to even “wink” at you, because I didn’t know if you would consider it offensive” Lesson learned.

Lesson #2) There are some things that the internet can’t replace

I love technology. I use it for so many things in my life. I have made some of my best friends and greatest work connections through social networking. So it made perfect sense for me to give online dating a shot. I adore computers and my iPhone. I’m lost without them. It’s as if my brain is synced to my accounts. However I adored them a lot more before they tried to set me up on dates.

The responses I have received from match.com are humorous, to say the least, HYSTERICAL to be more accurate. I’ve had a decent amount of older, religious men show interest as well as quite a few young gun yielding, dead animal slinging profile pictures winking at me. Some of that is to be expected on a site where the intent is to meet people and garner attention. However, the most amusing component has been the suggestions match.com generates about who they think I should be interested in. At times it feels like a cruel joke, that they’re actually seeking out the worst matches for me in the history of couples.

“Joe Smoe enjoys all activities that involve mud, trucks, singing the national anthem, shooting live or inanimate objects, and finding new structures to fly his confederate flag from. Start emailing him today to find out even more!!!” And the best part comes in the form of the justification they give for your compatibility. “You and Joe are both the youngest child, you don’t smoke, and you like bowling”.

So I think I’ve found my technology threshold. Although it may function as my brain, it clearly can’t articulate my heart. There is no formula for values. No keywords for a person’s passion. No chemistry based on bowling. No match for me on the (dot)com.