The vows that aren’t making the cut

Used w/ Creative Commons License from

Used w/ Creative Commons License from

I’m writing my own vows for my wedding.

Or, I’m supposed to be writing my own vows for my wedding.

Every time I start thinking about what my vows could say, I feel like I’m negotiating a hostage situation more than declaring my love for someone. What can I honestly promise to do for an eternity? I can’t comfort, honor, protect, cherish, be loving, tender, nurturing, devoted and pleasing every day of my life. I can’t even guarantee I’m going to get myself showered and fed some days, so being pleasing isn’t always high on my priorities list.

Since it isn’t often I find myself short for words, I’ve taken a backwards approach to writing my vows. I’ve started writing everything I won’t include in the ceremony, and if I go on long enough all that will be left are the perfect vows. Right?

Here are the ones that I’ve decided, in the interest of my future marriage, to cut.

– I promise to never show the Man Cold video when you are actually sick. When you are not sick, there are no guarantees. But when you are at your most vulnerable, from a horrible man cold, I will demonstrate how nurturing and comforting I am, and refrain from viewing it.

How is that for sickness and health?

– I promise to never binge watch the latest season of House of Cards without you. Because I’m extremely devoted to you. Unless you are out of the state. Then I promise to pretend I haven’t seen it yet when I re-watch it with you.

– I vow that I will allow you to be a leader on our journeys through the world, and I will follow along against my better judgement because I honor you. Unless our journey is navigating from the bar to our house on bikes, and I’m convinced I know a better route than you do. In that case, I refuse to follow you, or even speak to you, until you follow my lead.

-I vow that I won’t wait longer than 24 hours to talk to you after you’ve beat me at Cribbage, Settlers, or Spades because I’m loving. I might need up to 36 hours after a loss in Rummy.

I feel like these are a solid few that are going to the chopping block, yet I still don’t feel any closer to knowing what I’m going to say in 3 weeks.

I think my vows could pretty much be summed up in one sentence.

I guarantee to love you to the sun and back, until we are older than the solar system itself. I know that is farther than just loving you to the moon and back because you make me watch Cosmos.

I better keep working on these vows.


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