I am the one
I recently starting journaling with my 8yr old. We take turns answering questions and leaving each other notes. One of the questions asked “What would you do if you weren’t afraid to fail?” I put “I would be a writer.” She put “I would jump at Jumptime.” Almost the same thing. (Sidenote, she later confessed she thought it said FALL, instead of fail).
When she saw my answer, and fully comprehended the question, she yelled at me. “Mom, just do it!”
Today, when I was home with my sick kids the six year old decided she wants to be a scientist. I grew excited, thinking of the amazing careers she could have. But it turns out, she wanted to be a scientist today. Not 20 years from now. So we did a lot of research, wrote a few academic books, and pretty much became scientists (or at least we figured out how toasters work). That is the attitude I need. The yelling at me, the impatience of a 6 year old, and the refusal to wait.
It reminded me of something I wrote for my daughters a year or so ago. For awhile I thought I wrote it for someone else, but ultimately it belongs to them. Today, to push past my own waiting, maybe it belongs a little bit to me as well.
Thank you, to them, for constantly being the lesson I need to learn.
I Am the One
Waiting for someone to come out and play
Waiting to hear an invite to stay
Waiting for my fears to fade away
Waiting, still waiting, for another day
Waiting for someone to leave me alone
Waiting for a friend to call me their own
Waiting for a hero I’ve never known
Waiting, still waiting, to find a way home
Hiding from glances that want to know
Hiding from voices that tease me so
Hiding, not knowing which way to go
Hiding, still hiding, and feeling so low
Hiding from mirrors not wanting to see
Hiding from what others might think of me
Hiding from all that I want to be
Hiding and waiting to be set free
What if I tried inviting someone to play?
What if I spoke up and said “It’s not OK!?
What if I walked through them and they got out of my way?
What if I loved who my mirror portrayed?
How will I know if I never try?
If I say “I’m not scared”, would it be a lie?
If I do nothing will I always ask why?
I don’t want to wait for my chance to pass by
Trying to speak when it is hard to do
Testing my voice when it feels so new
Holding my head higher than I’m used to
Showing the world the beauty that’s true
Finding the strength to let myself soar
Using my voice to let the words pour
Not waiting, not hiding, not one second more
I am the one I’ve been waiting for