Chop Wood, Carry Water

I recently starting journaling with my 8yr old. We take turns answering questions and leaving each other notes. One of the questions asked “What would you do if you weren’t afraid to fail?” I put “I would be a writer.” She put “I would jump at Jumptime.” Almost the same thing. (Sidenote, she later confessed she thought it said FALL, instead of fail).

When she saw my answer, and fully comprehended the question, she yelled at me. “Mom, just do it!”

Today, when I was home with my sick kids the six year old decided she wants to be a scientist. I grew excited, thinking of the amazing careers she could have. But it turns out, she wanted to be a scientist today. Not 20 years from now. So we did a lot of research, wrote a few academic books, and pretty much became scientists (or at least we figured out how toasters work). That is the attitude I need. The yelling at me, the impatience of a 6 year old, and the refusal to wait.

It reminded me of something I wrote for my daughters a year or so ago. For awhile I thought I wrote it for someone else, but ultimately it belongs to them. Today, to push past my own waiting, maybe it belongs a little bit to me as well.

Thank you, to them, for constantly being the lesson I need to learn.

I Am the One

Waiting for someone to come out and play

Waiting to hear an invite to stay

Waiting for my fears to fade away

Waiting, still waiting, for another day

Waiting for someone to leave me alone

Waiting for a friend to call me their own

Waiting for a hero I’ve never known

Waiting, still waiting, to find a way home

Hiding from glances that want to know

Hiding from voices that tease me so

Hiding, not knowing which way to go

Hiding, still hiding, and feeling so low

Hiding from mirrors not wanting to see

Hiding from what others might think of me

Hiding from all that I want to be

Hiding and waiting to be set free

What if I tried inviting someone to play?

What if I spoke up and said “It’s not OK!?

What if I walked through them and they got out of my way?

What if I loved who my mirror portrayed?

How will I know if I never try?

If I say “I’m not scared”, would it be a lie?

If I do nothing will I always ask why?

I don’t want to wait for my chance to pass by

Trying to speak when it is hard to do

Testing my voice when it feels so new

Holding my head higher than I’m used to

Showing the world the beauty that’s true

Finding the strength to let myself soar

Using my voice to let the words pour

Not waiting, not hiding, not one second more

I am the one I’ve been waiting for