Where I’ll be

I’m holed up in a small condo with no AC in McCall. I went to the store and bought the necessities for a few days of survival: blueberries, red wine, kale salad, chips and salsa, eggs and coffee. In a few hours Mike will change all my social media passwords so I can’t access any of it until Thursday. He isn’t some crazy jerk. I asked him to do it.

I’m here to write the book that I haven’t been writing. I have been writing, a lot actually, but not the thing I am getting paid to write. Funny how that works.

I even stayed up until 2:00AM one night writing this fake article to try to persuade MTV News to hire me for a freelance book writer. I don’t think they even opened it. But I wrote it!

And I have been busy. I needed to see these mountains with my kids.

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Because it is summertime, and every kid should see mountains like these. Even if their mom is a procrastinating writer.

I can’t show these kids mountains as an excuse anymore because I just dropped them off at Girl Scouts Camp. The culmination of all our summer adventures.

The six year old summed it up perfectly on our way to drop off.

“Sometimes, kids might think camp looks really fun from those videos they make so they will say that they want to go. Then sometimes those same kids might change their mind in the car on the way there because they will really miss their parents. I think sometimes that might happen.”

And happen it did. Only not with that one. She bounced off, made five new bffs and waived goodbye. The other one. Oh, my heart still aches. When I returned to her cabin to deliver her sleeping bag I found her silently sobbing on the top bunk. So I silently sobbed in the doorway until the entire cabin was staring at us and I had to say goodbye before I melted into a puddle on the floor beneath her mattress. As I ran down the path to my car I spotted a counselor and asked her through tears to please go check on my sad kiddo. Then I left.

I spent hundreds of dollars, weeks packing, days chasing down signed medical releases and hunting for shower caddies but in that moment I still wanted to grab all of her things, thrown them in my car, and drive her back to the safety of her bedroom.

But I didn’t. Because I also said yes to something that sounded fun in the moment and now seems incredibly scary. And I also must stick it out. So I will stay in this room and write what I need to write.

She will stay at that camp and live what she needs to live. Hopefully with way fewer tears.

In the end, we’ll probably both enjoy it.

Until then, this is where I’ll be.

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