I used to hate cats. It was the easiest marital decision we ever made– we’ll never have a cat. The smell, the claws, the hassle. We’re not cat people, we agreed on time and time again. That was before I watched my child be weaned off a ventilator. Huddled in the corner of the room, surrounded by doctors and machines,
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Do you remember when we used to fill our weekends with so many activities that we felt like we needed an extra day just to recover from Saturday and Sunday? Now, we walk twice a day to visit three horses that live on the outskirt of our neighborhood. We could bike or drive, but walking takes up more of the
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When my kids are really into a show and I’m telling them they have to do their chores, I invoke the pause. Pause it now, so you can finish it later. If you don’t pause it now, then you’ll never get the rest of it.
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Calyx- When we moved into our house it was flagged with a massive presence looming in the front yard and spreading through the cracks in our blinds. A crabapple tree, barren but promising, greeted us each time we pulled into the driveway. We missed its bloom but I’d seen it in pictures and it drew me to the house in
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When we checked into the hospital after finding out we lost a baby last November one of the first questions they asked us was if we had chosen a name. We hadn’t. We only had four months to ruminate on it. We thought we had so much more time. That question quickly preceded what we wanted to do with her
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If grief is a checklist then I am winning. Counseling. Support group. Making myself leave the house at least once a day. If grief is a sprint then I am losing. The tears haven’t slowed. The pain hasn’t subsided. I feel further behind one week later, or is it two? An eternity, it seems. If grief is a research paper
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There is perspective to be found while laying on the bathroom floor. You have to squint a little to see it, but right there nestled between three positive pregnancy tests and the layer of grime you’ve been meaning to clean off the counters you can find it. It might take a day or two before you want to acknowledge it, but
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What a terrible day. What an absolutely devastating day. I have silently cried steaming tributaries that will join a sea of sorrow located somewhere around Orlando, Florida. But only when you weren’t looking. I stole my cries like cigarettes from my mother’s drawer. I tiptoed around grief, thinking it would shield you from the consequences. If I just let it sleep
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I’ve been reading a lot about the bathroom controversy that is dividing school districts, states, and even our nation itself over the last few months. I’ve also been reading a lot about fear. I’ve learned that our brains can’t fully function—can’t make rational decisions—when we are fearful of something. “Fear prompts retreat. It is the antipode to progress. Just
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What if we’re actually not ruining anything? Not kids, not their future, and not civilization as we know it. What if we’re actually doing exactly what every generation before us has done– the best we can with an impossible job, just with new surroundings.
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Chop Wood, Carry Water 